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Local
Catholic priest says abusive marriages shouldn't be tolerated But younger people give up too easily, Heffernan maintains A local priest says violence within a marriage should not be tolerated. But Father B. Heffernan also believes that young people give up on marriage far too quickly today, a self-centred approach to love that contributes directly to family instability. Father Heffernan was commenting on a recent report from the United States, a statement from the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops. The statement reads: "As pastors of the Catholic Church in the United States, we state as clearly and strongly as we can that violence against women, inside or outside the home, is never justified." That is the beginning of a new pastoral statement adopted at the November meeting of When I Call for Help: A Pastoral Response to Domestic Violence Against Women, updates the Catholic Conference's 1992 statement on domestic violence and notes that "violence and abuse, not divorce, break up a marriage." "That's always been church rule, though," says Father Heffernan of Peterborough, who serves a number of senior's homes in the community. "You don't stay in a dangerous situation when there's abuse. The only difference is the solution. You can get a separation, not a divorce, until things are hopefully worked out," he says. Father Heffernan's comments reflect the section of the U.S statement that reads parishioners who divorce because of domestic violence should "investigate the possibility of seeking an annulment" to "open the door to healing" and make re-marriage in the church possible. He says if the abuse is not curbed by any means - such as through church counselling, for instance -- a thorough investigation can be undertaken to see if the marriage could be declared null and void -- that it never happened in accordance with church standards. Examples Father Heffernan cited would be if there were drugs involved during the marriage contract, if one party was too young, or if the marriage was fear-based. "There will always be tough times in a marriage. People today aren't used to that. For some girls, the sea wouldn't have to be too rough to see it as domestic violence. And some boys too," says Father Heffernan. "We never knew family instability," says Father Heffernan of his own generation. "Children always had their parents. Your grandma was always your grandma, your grandpa was always your grandpa," the priest says. Father Heffernan says the general malaise affecting marriages today in younger generations often has to do with spoiled behaviour going into the marriage. "We get married and we are used to being pampered all along. Do we overlook the fact that marriage is not easy? Young people look at love from the 'getting' point of view as opposed to the 'giving' point of view. We have self-centred love," Father Heffernan says, which can contribute greatly to domestic problems.
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